my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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