Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
