It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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