I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
