I'm jealous of your bromance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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