best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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