It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
