Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
