just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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