apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
