You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this will be a night to untag.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
