one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
