i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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