So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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