garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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