Who wears a wallet chain?!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
