Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
