I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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