Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
