I will die if light touches me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
