Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
