you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize