i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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