I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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