True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
