I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
