This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
