No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
