I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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