weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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