I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
