Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
