This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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