Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
