It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
