I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
