My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
