You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
