Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
