Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
where are you?
Hypothermia
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
