The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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