TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had sex on a dog bed..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
