do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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