Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
