Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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