my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
