He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
worst night to have a conscience
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
