maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
