So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
