I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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