How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
