I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
