all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize