Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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