You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
