Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He passed out mid-signature
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
