I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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