i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
