I CAN MOONWALK!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
