My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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