I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
