all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize