Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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