wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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