Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
