no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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